There are times in my Christian life when I get so tired of failing and falling. And it's not just failing and falling once but countless times over the same stone of sin. The same habits. The same struggles. There's a reason I don't make New Year's resolutions.
In my darkest moments, however, I sink to wondering if I am even in Christ at all. How could God possibly lay claim to such a stubborn soul? At its core, it is a question that really asks whether God can be trusted to forgive me as He says He will. Can it really be true, beyond shadow of doubt, that He can really forgive me? Again?
Recently, God brought to mind John 1:9 in a way that finally laid to rest any doubt of His ability to win my soul and it brought me to tears. "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us..." Embedded in this familiar phrase is a word I had never noticed but a word which makes all the difference. "Just".
Why was it even there? "He is faithful and..." --What? Shouldn't it be "merciful"? or "good"? or at least "a nice guy"? But John says God is faithful and "just" to forgive and I struggled to see how God's justice could produce forgiveness when it seems it should produce judgment. Then, like a light flickering to life in a very dark place, it made sense.
I can trust that God forgives me because he must. That almost sounds blasphemous or like the slippery slope toward cheap grace but when we are truly broken in our sin and sincerely confess it, we can trust that He must forgive. And Justice is the reason.
God's character, the very embodiment of Justice can do no other than to recognize the penalty has been paid. My Lord is Just. He cannot deny who and what He is. When Jesus paid for my life in blood he was acting on the demand of Justice that God's character requires. God cannot wink at sin, he cannot pretend we are good when we are not or give us a pass because He's having a good day.
His Justice assures us that forgiveness is ours. If that isn't good news, I don't know what is.
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2 comments:
Loved this Kelli. When I read the word "just" in your comments, I had the same feeling - almost as if my soul were sighing with relief after being nervous. Yes, He HAS to forgive me because I have Someone who paid my penalty. Thanks for these thoughts.
thank you for this Kel!
I loved Meridee's description
"as if my soul were sighing with relief after being nervous" --how many people (me!) could be helped to "sigh with relief" at the Good News of God's Grace -kindness, love and forgiveness! And on top of it He has given us His Spirit to empower us in this faith walk with Him!!
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